Thursday, November 8, 2012

Today's the Day!

So, here it is - the big 4-0.  And list aside, I can truly say I'm excited about my birthday this year!  Each milestone has been better than the last: at 30, I was in much better shape than 20.  And at 40, I'm still in good shape but with a much HEALTHIER body and attitude.  I am incredibly blessed in so many ways - I'm surrounded by love, I like what I do for a living, and I like myself.  My life isn't perfect - far from it.  Things don't always go the way I want.  I see people who have accomplished so much more than me and I feel envious and incompetent.  I wrestle with questions of faith and eternity.  I worry often about whether I'm doing the right thing. But in the big picture - I am happy and grateful - and I owe a lot of that to the loving family and friends who surround me.

On to the list!  As predicted in the last entry (TWO months ago, yeah, I'm a timely blogger), most of the items I actually completed involve food or drink (layer cake, 40 beers, 40 recipes, yada, yada).  But I'm happy to report that I got in the 40 hours of volunteering (by the skin of my teeth).  I had a BLAST in Las Vegas with Jim, Barb, and Rick!  I just missed the 50 miles in racing goal - right around 48 miles.  Jim and I hit Uncorked last Friday, after we BOTH got tattoos (so excited about that! Jim especially caught me off guard 1) that he wanted one and 2) by what he got).  And I managed to volunteer at the Buckeye Trail Half Marathon.  A couple things I didn't do that I still want to undertake:  listing 40 things I love about my friends/family; I feel very guilty for not having written this.  Also, planning a spa day with Trish and a shared birthday celebration trip with Jen K.

Thank you to all who have humored me by reading this blog.  I expect I'll have a few more entries.  And if I do a "50 by 50" list, I will certainly give myself more than 13 months!  :)

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Assessment

What I suck at: keeping a blog and keeping up with my list of challenges.  What I'm good at: drinking and eating.

How do people blog every day?  Even with a list of challenges, I feel I don't have anything worthwhile to say EVERY single day.  Let's be honest - my life is boring.  And what's even more boring, I guess, is that I DON'T MIND.

I've accomplished about half of the list.  Like I said earlier, the easiest items for me to check off involve food or alcohol. There are a few things that will get done soon - like the trip to Las Vegas.  And the tattoo - even if I don't get another one by November 8, I do intend to get it by the end of the year.  And baking the layer cake from scratch will likely happen (again, food).  But the knitting thing?  Sheesh, how many nights I've sat in my living room, post-dinner, post-boy-bedtime, and thought, "Watch re-runs on TV or knit?"  Guess which wins.

So what do I think WON'T happen?  Well, the Warrior Dash, of course, was scratched due to injury.  Fair enough.  I won't make 40 hours of volunteering and the 50 miles of racing is going to be close.  Calling off for a movies and PJ day in the winter is probably off the table.  But, I should still make it to Uncorked (woo hoo, who wants to join me?!).  And maybe I'll find a hat?  (Why the f*** did I list that, anyway??).  The "no drunk driving" resolution, I'm proud to say, has stuck so far (no-brainer).

Maybe if a 50 before 50 happens, I will pair up with someone who can kick my ass and keep me on track . . . And maybe if I decide to keep blogging, I'll write about something else (like the world needs another booze and food blog - have you seen Pinterest?!).

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

What I Did This Summer (AKA Where I've Been for 2 Months)

Full disclosure: this post is a not-so-exciting, what-I've-been-up-to update.  I have some bigger topics I want to delve into soon, but I want to document my summer, first!

Crazy, compost-born cherry tomato plant
It always happens - the summer months fly by 20 times faster than the winter ones.  I have obviously neglected this blog (can you believe that one of my New Years goals was to write twice a week?!).  On the upside, however, it's been a fun summer - despite a broken foot (Jim) and three stitches in my left ring finger (inflicted while attempting #39 on the list - making a meal from all local ingredients).

Late night ice cream at Handel's

Akron Zoo

The Color Run 5K in June
I'm happy to report that I've done well with my summer rules - I've spent a lot of lunch hours in the sun. We've frequented ice cream stands.  There has been a lot of playing outside (how Jim broke his foot!). And the house is a controlled mess, thanks to putting housework low on the priority list.  I was doing GREAT at running outside whenever possible - so much so, that I've managed to injure myself in a new and exciting way (inner thigh muscle pull or hernia - who knows? will find out more on Friday).  Unfortunately, that is likely making #25 (Warrior Dash) a no-go for this year.  Shit.

  
Run at sunrise in June

Christmas in July

 Anyway - on to the fun stuff!  What have I been up to?  Watching Akron Aeros baseball, seeing a movie at the Riverfront, splashing in the Riverfront fountains and various wading pools, having cookouts and bonfires with family and friends, goint to a couple plays at Porthouse Theatre, documenting at least part of a day in pictures (#13 on the list) and finally, drinking lots of beer on porches and patios and having many suppers with BLTs and sweet corn!

Cedar Point, July 2012

Ready for the Bridgestone golf tournament
 The end of June saw the Color Run and some time off at home - hanging around with the boy and Jim, seeing family, celebrating July 4th.  July was the busiest month.  Soap Box Derby, Cedar Point, and the Bridgestone golf tournament - 3 busy weekends in a row!

As much as I hate to admit it, I'm now looking at getting ready for the school year, getting the house organized and even (gulp) thinking about the holidays.  Of course, there's going to be a big celebration in there somewhere . . .  I'll soon update my progress on the list - and as I mentioned at the start, there are few things on my mind I want to put out there.  See you sooner than in 2 months!






 

 








Sunday, June 10, 2012

SUMMER RULES

I love summer so, so much.  While all the seasons have beauty, I must confess, I've never understood how anyone could enjoy winter or fall more than summer.  I love being hot.  I love being outside.  I love not having to wear socks or real shoes or warm PJs.  I love that the sun starts to come up way before 6:00 am.

Sandals! Painted Toes! Capris!
I was thinking about all of this as I sat outside on my lunch hour on Friday.  It prompted me to come up with my summer rules:

  • Be outside at lunch as often as possible - whether I'm reading, writing, walking, eating, or just sitting and thinking (or not thinking).
  • Run outside as much as possible.  Save cross training for rainy days.
  • Skip buying ice cream at the grocery and go to Handel's, Rita's, or similar as often as possible!
  • Don't worry about housework.  Call it good if the house isn't a complete wreck, we are all in fairly clean clothes, and the tub and toilets haven't turned black.
  • Make simple syrup (for lemonade and mojitos) and  barbecue sauce from scratch.  Use both liberally.
  • Take the boy outside to play at every opportunity.  Blow bubbles.  Get dirty.  Drink from the hose.  Repeat.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

What's New


Post-Cleveland Half Marathon

Finally got my courage up on Friday 5/25

I've looked at the list and realized I'm not making much progress - out of 40 things, only about 10-11 are fully complete - I need to get MOVING.  But I've managed to get a few things done:

16.2 more miles toward my goal of 50 miles in races - I ran the Jeep Davis 5K on May 6 and completed the Cleveland Half on May 20.  Cleveland was hot as balls . . . ugh, I've never been so happy to be done with a race.  I was thrilled with my finish time and was VERY surprised it wasn't slower.  Next up, I think, will be the Irish Fest 5K right here in the Falls, then the Color Run 5K on 6/16 (can't wait to do this with Lisa and Katrina!).

This weekend, I finished planting impatiens around the back porch, with the help of the boy (we planted the one he gave me for Mothers' Day that weekend).  I REALLY hate yard work but have to say, I'm happy with how the back porch looks with the flowers and mulch.

After seeing how great my friend Lisa's nose piercing looked, I decided that would be #40 on the list.  After much encouragement from Lisa, and finally finding some guts, I stopped at Electric Tattoos on my way home from work Friday night and got it done.  The piercing itself DID hurt - it's a big needle and not a piercing gun, after all! - but the pain dissipated really quickly and now, I can't even feel it (though I have to admit, it sometimes feels like something stuck in my nose).  I don't know what it is about Memorial Day weekend - eight years ago, it was the weekend I decided to bleach my hair platinum for the first time and get a tramp stamp . . .

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Why I Run

Five months into the year, and I have racked up 16.2 of the 50 miles in races I have resolved to run.

I am an OK runner.  One of the things I love about running is that if you are a recreational runner and not tremendously competitive, you're usually out to beat your best time - not necessarily to win races or break records.  So by "OK" I mean that I am not super fast, or one to run ultras (26.2+ miles), or on a crazy running streak (there are people who haven't missed a SINGLE DAY of running in 10-15-20 years!).  "OK" means that I run consistently, I enjoy it, and I am pretty healthy.

But why do I love running and why have I stuck with it?  Some of the reasons are obvious and heard often (e.g. it keeps you in shape), some are not.  Here are a few:
  • I love to eat and drink.  I really, really do.  Especially booze and chocolate.  And anything bacon.  And burgers from B-Spot.  And did I mention booze?  Running seems to counter this for me. 
  • I love running outside in the morning, before most people are even awake.  I love starting with the moon still up and ending when the sky is getting light in the East, running in the street without worrying about cars.
  • It is amazing to see so many different runners and walkers in races, from local 5Ks to big marathons.  I am impressed by the nervous, first-time runners in the mid- to back-of-the-pack, much more so than I am by the super-fast "elites," chomping at the bit right at the start line.  It takes a lot more courage to run your first race than your 15th or 100th.
  • I love Jelly Belly sport beans.  Candy that is good for you?  Woo hoo! 
  • I love the rare runs when I feel like I could do it forever.  Sometimes, running feels really hard, like slogging through mud.  Many times, it feels OK, but I am still glad when I'm done.  But once in awhile, it feels really good - my breathing is even, the aches and pains are minimal, and I feel fast.  Maybe that's the so-called "runners' high?"  Who knows.  It's enough of a good feeling to keep me pursuing it.
  • Finally, running increases my confidence.  In all aspects of my life, things often don't turn out like I want.  I screw up.  I get mad.  I disappoint myself and others.  But I've kept running. Every early run, every race bib pinned to my bulletin board, every hill I run up without stopping to walk helps me to know that I can set goals and I can achieve.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Diaper Guilt




One of the items on my list is to plant impatiens around the back porch. The idea sprang from the most wonderful Mothers' Day present ever. A lone, beautiful impatien arrived in a paper cup, nestled in a gift bag the boy decorated at school. He was so proud of his gift. Of course, I cried over it. He still brings it up. "Mommy, remember when you cried when you were happy because I gave you the flower?" We planted it together. I didn't have a lot of hope for that tiny plant, because my thumb is definitely more black than green. But it thrived. We occasionally watered it but more often, would just wander over to admire it when we were on our way to or from the house.


I've decided there must be something about the amount of sun and rain that patch receives that is just right for impatiens. I'm excited to try, too, because I have some awesome compost to use. Uh, that's right; I'm excited about DIRT. I didn't know that could happen until I started composting.


I decided to try it three years ago. Even without being a gardener. Why? Partly, guilt. I try to make environmentally-friendly choices - I recycle, use earth-friendly cleaning products, carry reusable bags to the grocery. But I could NOT bring myself to use cloth diapers. The idea of dumping poopy diapers into the toilet and having even more laundry (or the expense of a diaper service) was just too daunting. So, I went the way of Pampers and the Diaper Genie, but have alway felt hypocritical and guilty about it. I figure that keeping some of my trash out of the landfills will offset (yes, I know, not by much) all those diapers we put in.

It's been really easy, too. Even Jim is convinced (he was certain we'd end up with a smelly pile of garbage in the backyard). I throw in vegetable and fruit scraps, coffee grounds, tea bags, and egg shells year round, mixing everything with a pitchfork, now and then. I throw in some leaves in the fall. If it gets a little stinky, I add shredded newspapers. And I always feel a bit silly at how excited I am to harvest dirt from the bottom of the bin. It's just so . . . rewarding, I guess, to make something useful out of something that could be tossed away without a thought.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Rollin', Rollin', Rollin' . . .




"Hello Blogger, my old friend; I've come to write on you again . . ."



So, it has been awhile. But I've been making progress on the list. Last weekend was great, despite being sick with the worst cold I've had in awhile (that also spawned pink eye - Yay!). I went to the home opener of the Rubber City Roller Girls with Barb, Lisa, and Marian - what a blast! Barb's sister-in-law, Teresa, is one of the Roller Girls. After watching them last Saturday, I have nothing but respect for those ladies - roller derby truly is athletic. Non-stop skating AND trying not to get the crap beaten out of you (they wear all that padding for very good reason). And to top it off, I won $350 in their 50/50 raffle - woo hoo! It made me happy, too, that I wore my cute new Rubber City Clothing t-shirt that night - another item checked off the list. Very much looking forward to going to the next home match.





Cooking has been going well - two new recipes this weekend, and several more over the past month. I think it's time to start focusing on finding a great place for a cooking class - seriously considering Gervasi Vineyard after checking them out for a work event a few months ago. And with all this warm weather, my thoughts are turning to my next tattoo and how I might show it off . . .

Monday, February 27, 2012

Mmmm . . . BACON


Spent a GREAT day with my Aunt Tish. For Christmas, I promised her a trip to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, as she is a founding member but had never visited. Today was the day - and given how dicey Ohio weather in February can be, we really lucked out. Despite high winds, it was sunny and in the 50s.

We hit First Watch for breakfast then headed up to Cleveland. Monday is a great day to visit - traffic was light and parking was a breeze. The museum was not crowded at all - we were able to browse at leisure. We saw everything we wanted to then headed out for lunch at B Spot in Woodmere.

#38 on my list is to try the bacon milkshake at B Spot - today was the day for that, too. It was, in a word, AMAZING. Seriously, don't knock it 'til you try it. I had mine without bourbon but I imagine it would be pretty awesome with it, too. And the burgers . . . mine was heaped with grilled onions, cheddar cheese, pickles, and a lot of yummy mayo. My aunt's arrived with fried bologna, coleslaw, and American cheese. Oh. My. So. Good. We decided that their burgers are, without a doubt, the BEST around!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Wabi-sabi


Perfectionism is sneaky – it takes on so many forms: A “perfectly” clean and decorated house. Extremely high standards for your work. A “perfectly” healthy diet and exercise schedule. Unrealistic expectations for situations (“I want this Christmas/milestone birthday/vacation to be perfect”). It can even show up as harmless compulsions (“Yes, the silverware drawer MUST be laid out like this”).

And I’m sure you know what’s really behind perfectionism. Control.

As I get older, I’ve tried to relax my grip on this. Acknowledge that there isn’t much I really CAN control, except for my own thoughts, actions, and reactions. It’s not been easy. Though my house has NEVER been perfectly decorated (my interior design style could be described, at best, as “Random Crap,” I mean, “Eclectic”), I used to drive my husband nuts when it came to cleaning: there was a “right” way to clean the bathroom/fold the towels/make the beds/get every piece of cat hair off the furniture. When I first lost weight and started watching what I ate, there was my subconscious desire to have a “perfect” diet. And God knows there have been plenty of holidays and trips that ended up being a lot less fun than due to my unrealistic expectations.

Like my disordered eating, becoming a mom is kind of what saved me from myself. No, I haven’t let housekeeping go to hell in a hand-basket, but I have realized that on the weekends, I would rather play with my kid than have a perfectly cat hair-free living room. I do strive to provide a healthy diet for my family but realize that occasional fast food won’t kill us. I’ve never really argued with the boy about what he wants to wear. My rule is that as long as he’s wearing somewhat weather-appropriate clothing, it doesn’t really matter whether it matches.

On a related note - keeping belongings in “perfect condition” - I’m realizing the transient and insignificant nature of material things. I bought an expensive purse (which I LOVE) as part of my “40” list. Then, the damn thing started wearing unusually fast. I took it back to the store and the salesperson agreed that it shouldn’t be wearing out so quickly – she sent it back to the manufacturer for me. The manufacturer decided it was normal wear and tear. At first, I was SO pissed – I paid a lot of money for that stupid thing to start wearing out in just three months! I was ready to send nasty letters, yell on Facebook, and generally have a fit. But a quiet voice in my head said, “It doesn’t matter. It’s just a purse.” I looked at it and thought, “Yep, it still works. It may not look perfect, but it’s good enough.”

No, I’m not ready to give up all my belongings. I LOVE clothes, accessories, make-up, dishes, bedding, organizing bins, kitchen tools, and more. But I’m accepting that if they are less than perfect (e.g. some marker on the dining room table, a snag in a shirt, chipped or broken glasses), that it’s OK and not worth getting upset about.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The Compulsive List-Maker


Like many women I know, I LOVE lists. I love writing them, I love ticking tasks off of them. I love that they keep me organized and help me to focus. List-making is definitely one of the ways I simplify my life. I certainly have enough of them! In fact, here's a list of my lists:

- My "40 Before 40" list that spurred this blog and then the lists that sprang from THAT (tracking 40 beers, tracking 40 recipes, tracking 50 miles in races . . .)

- My gratitude journal

- A grocery list template on my laptop that I print, then circle what I need

- At work, I live and die by my task list in Outlook

- The list of all the books I read

- When the boy was an infant, I kept lists of all his feedings and the amounts (OK, so maybe I'm a little compulsive)

- My spiral-bound notebook in which I write to-do lists every weekend (I really look forward to sitting down with coffee on Saturday mornings and making these)

- At New Year's, I make a list that is more goals than resolutions; then, I keep a list throughout the year tracking my progress (e.g. a library visit every month)

- Finally, one of my favorite list exercises, that was suggested to me by my friend, Debbie V.: I have a journal in which I write about Ben on the 19th of every month. I track any milestones, funny things he's said, new experiences we've had, or anything else noteworthy. Since I'm not a scrapbooker, this journal has been wonderful for recording snapshots as he grows. I love looking back through it and hope that one day, he or his wife or his kids will enjoy it, as well.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

"Real Food," part 2



To continue the story . . . I DID gain some weight, start ovulating, and get knocked up. After swearing off red meat for years, I CRAVED meat and cheese while I was pregnant. (My husband nearly cried with joy when I demanded to be taken out to dinner for ribs in my first trimester.)

I was blessed with a very healthy, happy pregnancy. I was able to exercise, I ate well, and I enjoyed watching my tummy get bigger every day. (And don’t get me started on my pregnancy boobs – I still miss ‘em.) Not long after the boy was born, I was back to running and working out – but fortunately, with a “normal” relationship with food.

I still strove to eat “healthfully.” I bought organic food and low-calorie yogurts and other “light” foods (and way too much Splenda - in drinks, desserts, hot cereals, etc.). I also bought a lot of convenience foods like Trader Joe’s frozen foods, Lean Cuisines, and canned soups. Though I liked to cook, I would grab something out of the freezer when I didn’t feel like it or didn’t have time.

Then I heard an interview with Michael Pollan on NPR. I was intrigued and read his book “In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto.” Here’s a great summary of that book, from his website:

. . . most of what we’re consuming today is not food, and how we’re consuming it — in the car, in front of the TV, and increasingly alone — is not really eating. Instead of food, we’re consuming “edible foodlike substances” — no longer the products of nature but of food science. The result is what Michael Pollan calls the American paradox: The more we worry about nutrition, the less healthy we seem to become.

I love that last sentence – it really strikes a chord. And I love his biggest piece of advice: “Eat food. Mostly plants. Not too much.” Shortly after “Eater’s Manifesto,” I read “Food Rules” and saw the movie “Food, Inc.” I became convinced about the importance of eating “real” food – that is, food that doesn’t come in packaging with health claims. Food with ingredients I can recognize and pronounce. When feasible, food that is local and in season, or at least, not flown in from halfway around the world.

To sum up – I now try to:
• Cook! Just cook. Doesn’t have to be fancy
• Cook with butter and olive oil, real eggs (no “Egg Beaters”) and bacon (LOVE bacon!!)
• Keep “real” food – rice, couscous, pasta, veggies (fresh, frozen and some canned), cheese – on hand for quick, easy meals
• Eat lots of fruits and vegetables (organic and/or local whenever possible)
• Eat beef that it is locally raised or at least, grass-fed (and I often opt for local bison, instead)
• Eat what I am really craving instead of a substitute (no “diet” desserts or cookies)
• Make Subway my fast food fallback but yes – I’ll occasionally take the boy to McDonald’s for a Happy Meal (full disclosure – I love their fries).
• Buy fat-free or lowfat organic milk and yogurt – and make a point to avoid yogurts (or anything else) with artificial sweeteners or high-fructose corn syrup
• When I do buy packaged foods, focus on the ingredients and the quality instead of the calorie or fat count
• Avoid most “convenience” foods – again, in the spirit of full disclosure, I must admit my husband and I LOVE Amy’s Organic frozen pizza and the boy LOVES Annie’s Organic mac & cheese (my rationale: it’s organic, right?).
• Find the time to bake instead of buying packaged cookies or desserts

If you’re interested in learning more, check out Michael Pollan’s books, anything by Mark Bittman, and “The Cleaner Plate Club: Raising Healthy Eaters One Meal at a Time” by Beth Bader and Ali Benjamin.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

"Real" Food, part 1



My relationship with food has had some ups and downs. Until I was in my early 20s, it was pretty simple - I got hungry; I ate; I was thin. But sometime during college, I started eating more and more. And gaining weight. And eating more. I often ate until I was uncomfortably full - almost sick. I ate each meal like it was my last.

I reached my heaviest shortly after getting married in 1998. It didn't help that I tended to eat as much as my husband, a 6' 7" ectomorph with a hummingbird-on-meth metabolism. But in the beginning of 1999, without even really trying, I lost 6 or 7 pounds. Encouraged, I started making small changes, slowly - drinking more water, eating smaller portions, getting more active and even exercising. A year later, I was 40 pounds lighter and a fitness fiend.

So began my obsession with food. It started innocently enough - I became interested in eating more healthfully and read as much as I could about it. Some aspects of this were positive - I jumped on the anti-trans-fats bandwagon way before many people even knew what they were. I read “Fast Food Nation” and as a result, pretty much cut beef out of my diet.

But I started equating my control of food with my fitness. I was convinced that if I didn't carefully control what I ate, I would gain all the weight back (even though I was exercising consistently). My meals were carefully planned and of course, recorded. I had to make sure I drank a certain amount of water each day or God knows, the world would cave in. Artificial sweeteners and other “diet” foods were a mainstay. I weighed myself every morning, terrified that I’d see the needle go up a pound (even though I was under-weight at the time).

I never starved myself or binged and purged; I didn’t have an “eating disorder,” but I certainly had “disordered eating.” Traveling with me was a nightmare. I would pitch a fit if I couldn’t find a place to eat that had the “right” healthy foods. I had to bring certain foods with me to ensure I’d have something I “could” eat. I almost skipped what turned out to be an incredible weekend at Put-In Bay with my friends Barb and Leanne because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to find the “right” foods to eat.

In retrospect, I see this clearly. At the time, however, I was in denial. “How can I have a problem? I let myself have ‘treat’ foods.” (For example, I’ve always been a sucker for cake with frosting and never gave it up.)

It was a slow process to change my perspective. A recurring stress fracture in my left shin led me to a nutritionist who helped me to see that maybe my eating wasn’t as healthy as I thought. And ironically, getting involved with marathon training through the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s Team in Training program helped me to view food as a good and necessary fuel for endurance events. Finally, the decision to have a baby really kicked me in the butt – I knew I would have to gain some weight if I wanted to start ovulating, get knocked up, and have a healthy pregnancy.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Blessings


28 January 12
1. Running this morning
2. Sledding with Jim and Ben
3. Getting the house chores done today
4. Bottling Jim's beer
5. Trying a new recipe for dinner
6. Rocking and chatting with Ben before bed

Consistent blogging is not yet my strong suit. There is only one writing practice I have managed to keep consistently for going on fourteen years - that is, my gratitude journal. I learned this practice from my friend Meg K., then came across it again in "Simple Abundance" by Saran Ban Breathnbach.

Every night before bed, I record at least five things from my day for which I am grateful. If I skip a day (which has happened due to vacations/ business trips/ drunkenness/ illness/ labor & delivery/ etc.), I catch up the next and record ten (or fifteen or however many days I've missed). On many nights it is really easy to come up with five, six, or more. But there have been just as many nights, depending on moods, hormones, and the day's events, when I sit and stare at the page, stymied to come up with grateful thoughts:

7 February 06
1. My family
2. The chance every day to start over
3. A steady job
4. Our home
5. Knowing how blessed I am even on nights like tonight when I'm feeling very low and uninspired

And those nights, the lack of gratitude stirs my guilt because I sit there and think, "How can you be so ungrateful?!" But it's a self-discipline, now. I sit and think until those third, fourth, fifth items occur to me.

I've read again and again that gratitude boosts happiness. When I first started, the practice felt forced and a little too "warm and fuzzy." As it happens, it was also a darker time in my life, emotionally. However, I managed to stick with it and truly believe that it has boosted my happiness over the years.

A secondary benefit is that the journals provide snap-shots of my day-to-day life. I like looking back to a year ago or to a certain point of time (like, the day before Ben was born) and seeing what I was thinking about, what made me happy:

18 February 07
1. Waking up without an alarm
2. A good work-out
3. Finding bras that fit!
4. All the things Jim is willing to do for me
5. A relaxing weekend

A lot of entries are repeats such as "rocking Ben before bed" or "running this morning"(I don't have a rule about duplications) - but there are the unique ones:

13 September 11
4. A picnic (Subway) in the car with Ben tonight.

And then there are the journals themselves. I've always had a thing for blank books, and I now have good reason to stockpile them!

I really enjoy blogging and want to stick with it - a goal for 2012 is at least two entries a week. But I am grateful that putting pen to paper, at least for a brief list, is now as much a habit for me as brushing my teeth at night.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Baby Steps


Made some progress on the list this weekend - new beer (Tiger beer from Singapore), new wine (Santa Barbara Landing Chardonnay), and new recipe (bean soup - OK, so I've made bean soup before, but this really was a new recipe to me).

I'm even more excited that I had a tutorial with my mom and NOW remember how to knit! So far, all I have are some garbled knit and purl stitches in scrap yarn but what's important is I can start practicing. Jackie K. lent me a great book - "Pints and Purls" - projects that are designed to go with you to the bar (see why I like this?). The projects are rated by how much you can drink while working on them (4 beers = really easy, 1 beer or Designated Driver = really difficult). There are some cute arm warmers that are rated easy, but I'll probably start with the wine charms (knit a little, put it on a wire - I think even I can manage that!).

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Obscene Phone Call





You know about my potty mouth. And how I’m trying to clean it up for my son’s sake. And you know how my husband gives me a hard time because he grew up in a curse-free home.

Well . . .

The phone rang around 8:45 last night (Ben was already in bed, thankfully). I answered, “Hello?” Nothing, just the dead air you often experience with telemarketers, requiring two “hellos” before they answer. I assumed it was just that – a telemarketing call – and irritated by the intrusion snapped, “Who the fuck is this?”

A quiet, familiar voice said, “Jenny?” Oh. Crap. It was my mother-in-law. And not just her, but my father-in-law, too, on the other extension. I was seized simultaneously by abject shame and a case of nervous giggles.

“Uhhh, I’m soooo sorry, I thought you were a telemarketer!” I gasped.

“I guess I know what kind of day you’re having,” she answered wryly. God love the woman, she had a sense of humor about it. Jim just sat on the couch, shaking his head.

After a few more pathetic apologies from me, the conversation moved on, thanks to the graciousness of my in-laws. Later, I told Jim it would have only been worse if it had been our minister. “No,” he answered, “it’s worse with my mom.”

The up side to all this? I got to skip the soap, since Ben didn’t hear me!

Monday, January 16, 2012

F - - -


Before motherhood, I swore like a sailor. I loved to swear. Coming up with creative curses is FUN (my personal favorite is "bumbling fuckbag" - how I described a former boss).

When the boy arrived, I realized it was time to clean up my mouth. This really hit me when he was two - it was winter and I had a close call on a slippery road when I was driving him to the sitter's. Of course, out came "Oh, fuck!" as we nearly slid into another car. As soon as we arrived at the sitter's, a little voice from the back seat started calling, "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Sigh. God love the sitter - she told me that if he ever said it at church, I should tell everyone he learned it at her house.

So the f-word disappeared from my vocabulary, to be replaced by "nuts," "nutties," and "scheisse" (thank you Tricia P.!) among other exclamations. Yes, the occasional "damn," "hell," and "shit" would creep in. But I thought I was doing better.

Until recently, when the boy started up. "Damn" here and there ("That's a damn good apple, Grandma!") and "shit" at Thanksgiving when he was playing with his cousins. Just a few days ago in the car, "That's a damn good heater!" So we had a talk about why those words are unacceptable. And of course, Jim was happy to point out how often my speech is still sprinkled with those words. What can I say? I grew up hearing my mom and dad use those words, but knew that I'd better never say them (at least around my parents). My husband, however, grew up in a curse-free home. So I agreed to try once again to clean up my act.

Jump to Saturday - beer brewing day for Jim. I love brewing day - the house is warm and smells so yummy as the beer steeps. Jim was in the kitchen, Ben was playing, I was in the living room reading and enjoying one of Jim's previous brews. Just a few minutes before, I had moved the steeping grains and bag into our mini-compost bin. Jim yelled from the kitchen, "What did you do with the grains?" Immediately, I thought, oh no, he must need to steep them twice, I've messed things up. Unbidden, "Oh, fuck!" popped out of my mouth. Ben started laughing, then said, "Fuck! Muck! Hahahahahaha!" Oh, crap.

I admit, hearing him say "damn" was kind of funny but I absolutely do not want the f-word creeping into his vocabulary at age 5! So I decided on what I thought would be the best deterrent - I told him I would have to wash my mouth out, with his supervision.

We headed up to the bathroom and I put a bar of Dove in my mouth, "Christmas Story"-style. I kept it between my teeth until Ben told me I was done (only about 15 seconds, thank God). Blech, what a wretched taste - but it is good incentive to keep me from swearing. And, Ben knows that if he swears again, the soap is waiting for him.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Time for me to whine . . .


I’ve been reading a book about simplifying – specifically, there are 52 projects to take on in “bite-size” chunks in order to simplify your life. There are lots of good ideas, many of which I already do: “Clean as you go” (vs. letting crud sit around and dry up in your kitchen, on the tables, etc.). “Get rid of junk mail as it comes in your house – don’t let it pile up.” “Make your kitchen paperless” (i.e. stop using paper towels and napkins). “Have a morning routine.” “Have a night-time routine.”

This leads me to two thoughts:
1. Why the hell haven’t I written a book about how to simplify?! and
2. Books like this always seem to be written by women who are not only published authors and widely-read bloggers, but also have a bunch of kids (this lady has 5), home school their brood, volunteer in the community, take regular vacations, and consult/free-lance all over the place, among many fabulous activities.
HOW DO THEY DO IT?! Are they crystal meth addicts who don’t sleep?! I have just one kid, a fairly streamlined household, and a very helpful, chore-sharing husband – and I still feel like there’s not enough time in the day to do everything else I want (e.g. be more creative, stay in closer touch with friends and family, be a more perceptive, compassionate wife/mom/friend/etc.).

As I think about this, these “helpful” authors seem to represent the anti-Erma Bombeck, one of my favorite authors/columnists. Remember her? If you’ve never read any of her columns or books, I highly recommend you give her a try. She wrote about being a mom/wife/caregiver in a way that is easy to relate to – that is, her house was a mess, her kids drove her nuts, and she barely kept things together.

Ultimately, we (I) just don’t give ourselves (myself) enough credit. It’s easy to feel bad because we unfairly compare ourselves to women who have seemingly perfect lives. But we all know NO ONE’S life is perfect. As I’ve whined my way through this post, I’ve decided to celebrate, instead, all the things I do that bring me happiness and help me keep my life simplified – and to keep working on those things I want to do better (after all, that’s why I’ve taken on this project). And to revisit Erma!

Welcome!

Challenging myself to break out of my day-to-day boring-ness by trying new experiences before the big 4-0