Perfectionism is sneaky – it takes on so many forms: A “perfectly” clean and decorated house. Extremely high standards for your work. A “perfectly” healthy diet and exercise schedule. Unrealistic expectations for situations (“I want this Christmas/milestone birthday/vacation to be perfect”). It can even show up as harmless compulsions (“Yes, the silverware drawer MUST be laid out like this”).
And I’m sure you know what’s really behind perfectionism. Control.
As I get older, I’ve tried to relax my grip on this. Acknowledge that there isn’t much I really CAN control, except for my own thoughts, actions, and reactions. It’s not been easy. Though my house has NEVER been perfectly decorated (my interior design style could be described, at best, as “Random Crap,” I mean, “Eclectic”), I used to drive my husband nuts when it came to cleaning: there was a “right” way to clean the bathroom/fold the towels/make the beds/get every piece of cat hair off the furniture. When I first lost weight and started watching what I ate, there was my subconscious desire to have a “perfect” diet. And God knows there have been plenty of holidays and trips that ended up being a lot less fun than due to my unrealistic expectations.
Like my disordered eating, becoming a mom is kind of what saved me from myself. No, I haven’t let housekeeping go to hell in a hand-basket, but I have realized that on the weekends, I would rather play with my kid than have a perfectly cat hair-free living room. I do strive to provide a healthy diet for my family but realize that occasional fast food won’t kill us. I’ve never really argued with the boy about what he wants to wear. My rule is that as long as he’s wearing somewhat weather-appropriate clothing, it doesn’t really matter whether it matches.
On a related note - keeping belongings in “perfect condition” - I’m realizing the transient and insignificant nature of material things. I bought an expensive purse (which I LOVE) as part of my “40” list. Then, the damn thing started wearing unusually fast. I took it back to the store and the salesperson agreed that it shouldn’t be wearing out so quickly – she sent it back to the manufacturer for me. The manufacturer decided it was normal wear and tear. At first, I was SO pissed – I paid a lot of money for that stupid thing to start wearing out in just three months! I was ready to send nasty letters, yell on Facebook, and generally have a fit. But a quiet voice in my head said, “It doesn’t matter. It’s just a purse.” I looked at it and thought, “Yep, it still works. It may not look perfect, but it’s good enough.”
No, I’m not ready to give up all my belongings. I LOVE clothes, accessories, make-up, dishes, bedding, organizing bins, kitchen tools, and more. But I’m accepting that if they are less than perfect (e.g. some marker on the dining room table, a snag in a shirt, chipped or broken glasses), that it’s OK and not worth getting upset about.
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